Posts in Reviews
Wrist-kissers: A love story On Beast by Judith Ivory

I don’t know what to say about Beast as a whole. It feels like three discreet romance novels in one. It is problematic and it oftentimes spins past itself. But it is the only romance novel I have revisited. But I have only revisited one scene. And it is this scene that I want to talk about. It is this scene that I would like to use to convince you to read Beast. Wrist-kissing at the Heroine’s family’s garden party.

The scene plays out like a little snowglobe of the whole genre itself. The hero longs for the heroine, the hero is thwarted until he earns the right to be with the heroine, sex. Except the sex here is not really sex.

Charles, our hero, arrives at a party hosted by Louise’s family, his in-laws, late. He goes on this Odyssian journey to his frigid, teen wife, intercepted by different figures who wish to prevent him from getting to Louise. A pack of students objectifying her body, an old flame, an old flame’s husband. When he finally locates Louise, goes over and talks to her, there is a break in the tension that the text has been building between our two characters (who, for myriad complexities, have not been physical).

What you need to know is, essentially, Charles negotiates the opportunity to kiss Louise’s wrist. He ends up taking full advantage of the opportunity with biting and licking and sucking and kissing in full view of the party. Both hero and heroine like it. It is cut short because of its public nature.

This scene pays off owing a lot to the strange nature of the character’s relationship with their bodies. A significantly longer piece on the nature of bodies and the function of bodies in this book deserves to be written. But allow me to iris in on this one particular moment, which creates this one particular point about the bodies.

We have two people who have never been given the opportunity to want or long for something tangible, physical. Perhaps they long to be seen as something more than their physical appearances, perhaps they long for love. But they’ve never been hungry. They have never been cold. They have never been abstinent on accident. Physical need is something with which they are each unaccustomed.

So when Charles sets upon Louise’s wrist it is a corporeal need being filled. Neither party was aware that they become more than infatuated, they had become comfortable, dependent on one another’s physical touch. Like reaching water in a desert, there is not space for consideration of other parties. He drinks and drinks and drinks.

What a thing. To be treated as truly be needed. To be treated like air after holding your breath or food after a famine. It is a dizzying, erotic scene that has nothing to do with the relationship between the characters - which is queasy - or the characters themselves - who are not likeable. It is a sex scene that forgets sex as a specificity, as an act. Even the exhibitionist positioning of the scene is (pretty much) entirely devoid of eroticism. It is the focus, the unbidden expression, the gushing out of need that is so appealing.

Beast is book that is somehow made more spectacular through its obvious flaws as a romance.

Hero and Heroine, as characters, understand their value in their world as something sexual. Which, truly, that is where the value of these romance characters But they are also creatures of ennui, especially romantic. Constantly desired the way that they both prefer. For Charles, without strings or complications. For Louise, much the same, an affection she can control. They are shaken from this state by a dearth of resources. They withhold that preferred desire from one another. And the act of affection, of desiring, becomes vividly recontextualized. And concentrated. Sex is reformed between these two characters in this scene.

ReviewsMorgan Lott
The Best Bits for the Worst Time: Quarantine Masturbation Material Romance Recommendations

We’re at home in isolation, so might as well be honest about what we’re doing with at least 10% of our time--masturbating. As People in Romance we must also be honest about what we’re doing with about 10% of our books--masturbating. Perhaps though, given the breadth of time and the dearth of activities, you have run out of masturbation material. Whoa!mance (as always) can help.

We specialize in deep cuts, out-of-the-box horniness (socks anyone?) and have some recommendations to bust that slump when your favorites are as tired as your imagination. Please order from independent booksellers whenever possible, we’ve tried to make that easier by including links when we could. 

So snuggle up with a good book, or just the good parts, and don’t forget to hydrate.


My Sweet Folly

1) Because foreplay still matters: The epistolary prologue from “My Sweet Folly” by Laura Kinsale

Not steamy in the traditional sense, but gets the giddies going--and that is important. Hot tip: this is at the very beginning of the book so check out free previews if you’ve been placed on unpaid leave. Also, maybe stop at the letter dated April 6, 1806, before you find out he’s married and a liar? -Morgan

Check out our episode on the book here.


Gif of a stick figure tackling another stick figure on top of a limo

2) The one with Sylvia Day:Chapter 6 of Bared To You by Sylvia Day

Listen, listen, listen. I know what you’re going to say about Sylvia Day. I get it, her books have problems. Lots of her heroes are basically real life monsters—her heroines don’t really rescue that issue, and while I get the fascination with the Billionaire Alpha hero (they’re basically dukes?…but somehow worse) , I think Day’s work often doesn’t do anything interesting with the vast piles of Smaug like wealth her characters interact with. HOWEVER….this is an author who is unafraid to discuss sex like an adult. A hot adult who likes thinking about other hot adults banging.

In the first book of her Crossfire series, Bared to You, there’s a scene with sex in a limo.

Pressing his palm flat to my lower belly, he touched my throbbing clit with the pad of his thumb and began to massage it in slow, expertly soft circles. Everything in my core tightened and clenched, sucking him deeper. Opening my eyes, I looked at him from under heavy lids. He was so beautiful sprawled beneath me in his elegant tuxedo, his powerful body straining…

Dead. -Isabeau

We get into a different Sylvia Day here.


Eyes On

3) Remember offices fondly: Chapter Seven of Eyes On by Esme Brett

Of course she’s a friend of the podcast, but even before that I loved this capital S T E A M Y novella. In chapter seven we finally break the tension with a very bossy, but still consenty (but not in a very special episode of your sex life kind of way) desk fuck. Just under two U.S. dollars, for a sex scene with a lot of revisit potential. -Morgan


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4) It takes two to:Chapter 18 of Take the Lead, by Alexis Daria

Alexis Daria blew my mind with a lovely contemporary about reality show stars. The characters and situations are fun but the sex is what really makes this series memorable and HOT. - Isabeau


Never Sweeter

5) Problematic fave: Chapter 13 of Never Sweeter by Charlotte Stein

I won’t bore you with the details of why this particular sex scene is...complex. Mostly because Clayton and Erin did such a great job discussing it on Learning the Tropes. BUT. A mutual, tortured masturbation scene? I’m willing to give in to the fantasy, especially when you’re swilling the dregs on week 2 of quarantine. -Morgan

Check out our episode on the book here.


Improper Arrangements

6) Stands and delivers: Chapter Two of Improper Arrangements by Juliana Ross 

This book about a lady mountaineer has one of the best standing sex scenes, it comes up fast like summer storm and isn’t over until everyone is panting and satisfied. - Isabeau

Check out our episode on this gem here.


About Last Night

7) Evergreen: Chapter Three of About Last Night by Ruthie Knox

A perennial favorite of mine for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is the opening kiss between our two main characters. Who knew making out on an art table could be like this? - Isabeau

Check out our episode on it here


Gif of Angela Basset turning around and walking away from a burning car

8) Secret MILLIONAAAIRE: Final act of Hummingbird by LaVyrle Spencer

I’ve been reflecting on this book a lot, and it shows in the content I’m putting out there. But I find myself in a position where one of my least favorite tropes has become my most absorbing fantasy--secret millionaire who wants to purchase all my problems away (please donate to the Patreon if you can! Two-thirds of Whoa! is furloughed). Even before now, though, the final, lip-biting, wedding-dress ripping, barn-burning act of Hummingbird convinced me this trope has charm. When all you want to do is burn it all down while burnin’. It. Down. only one scene will do. - Morgan

Check out our episode on the book here.