The Best Bits for the Worst Time: Quarantine Masturbation Material Romance Recommendations
We’re at home in isolation, so might as well be honest about what we’re doing with at least 10% of our time--masturbating. As People in Romance we must also be honest about what we’re doing with about 10% of our books--masturbating. Perhaps though, given the breadth of time and the dearth of activities, you have run out of masturbation material. Whoa!mance (as always) can help.
We specialize in deep cuts, out-of-the-box horniness (socks anyone?) and have some recommendations to bust that slump when your favorites are as tired as your imagination. Please order from independent booksellers whenever possible, we’ve tried to make that easier by including links when we could.
So snuggle up with a good book, or just the good parts, and don’t forget to hydrate.
1) Because foreplay still matters: The epistolary prologue from “My Sweet Folly” by Laura Kinsale
Not steamy in the traditional sense, but gets the giddies going--and that is important. Hot tip: this is at the very beginning of the book so check out free previews if you’ve been placed on unpaid leave. Also, maybe stop at the letter dated April 6, 1806, before you find out he’s married and a liar? -Morgan
Check out our episode on the book here.
2) The one with Sylvia Day:Chapter 6 of Bared To You by Sylvia Day
Listen, listen, listen. I know what you’re going to say about Sylvia Day. I get it, her books have problems. Lots of her heroes are basically real life monsters—her heroines don’t really rescue that issue, and while I get the fascination with the Billionaire Alpha hero (they’re basically dukes?…but somehow worse) , I think Day’s work often doesn’t do anything interesting with the vast piles of Smaug like wealth her characters interact with. HOWEVER….this is an author who is unafraid to discuss sex like an adult. A hot adult who likes thinking about other hot adults banging.
In the first book of her Crossfire series, Bared to You, there’s a scene with sex in a limo.
“Pressing his palm flat to my lower belly, he touched my throbbing clit with the pad of his thumb and began to massage it in slow, expertly soft circles. Everything in my core tightened and clenched, sucking him deeper. Opening my eyes, I looked at him from under heavy lids. He was so beautiful sprawled beneath me in his elegant tuxedo, his powerful body straining…”
Dead. -Isabeau
We get into a different Sylvia Day here.
3) Remember offices fondly: Chapter Seven of Eyes On by Esme Brett
Of course she’s a friend of the podcast, but even before that I loved this capital S T E A M Y novella. In chapter seven we finally break the tension with a very bossy, but still consenty (but not in a very special episode of your sex life kind of way) desk fuck. Just under two U.S. dollars, for a sex scene with a lot of revisit potential. -Morgan
4) It takes two to:Chapter 18 of Take the Lead, by Alexis Daria
Alexis Daria blew my mind with a lovely contemporary about reality show stars. The characters and situations are fun but the sex is what really makes this series memorable and HOT. - Isabeau
5) Problematic fave: Chapter 13 of Never Sweeter by Charlotte Stein
I won’t bore you with the details of why this particular sex scene is...complex. Mostly because Clayton and Erin did such a great job discussing it on Learning the Tropes. BUT. A mutual, tortured masturbation scene? I’m willing to give in to the fantasy, especially when you’re swilling the dregs on week 2 of quarantine. -Morgan
Check out our episode on the book here.
6) Stands and delivers: Chapter Two of Improper Arrangements by Juliana Ross
This book about a lady mountaineer has one of the best standing sex scenes, it comes up fast like summer storm and isn’t over until everyone is panting and satisfied. - Isabeau
Check out our episode on this gem here.
7) Evergreen: Chapter Three of About Last Night by Ruthie Knox
A perennial favorite of mine for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is the opening kiss between our two main characters. Who knew making out on an art table could be like this? - Isabeau
Check out our episode on it here
8) Secret MILLIONAAAIRE: Final act of Hummingbird by LaVyrle Spencer
I’ve been reflecting on this book a lot, and it shows in the content I’m putting out there. But I find myself in a position where one of my least favorite tropes has become my most absorbing fantasy--secret millionaire who wants to purchase all my problems away (please donate to the Patreon if you can! Two-thirds of Whoa! is furloughed). Even before now, though, the final, lip-biting, wedding-dress ripping, barn-burning act of Hummingbird convinced me this trope has charm. When all you want to do is burn it all down while burnin’. It. Down. only one scene will do. - Morgan
Check out our episode on the book here.